Eggs, bunnies, and the pecking order of naughty things

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For some, Easter is about religion.

For many, it’s about bunnies and chocolate.

No-one really knows why, but bunnies are cute, and none of us are keen to dig too deep for fear of messing up a pre-approved excuse to eat chocolate.

So we keep our heads down and go with it.

For the cyclist, however, it gets complicated. It’s a time of guilt, remorse, and punishing hill repeats.

It’s particularly difficult for those of us with kids for whom there is chocolate, literally, everywhere. I have eaten so much chocolate this Easter that it no longer has a distinguishable flavour. My olfactory system is convinced that ‘chocolate’ is just what my mouth naturally tastes of.

I find myself wandering around the house popping brown things into my mouth. I’m arguing with my kids about how early is too early to be eating chocolate. I’ve managed to tie myself in a morally dubious knot where drinking alcohol naturally comes before eating chocolate in the pecking order of naughty things.

I have to crack a beer around 10.30 every morning just to clarify my point with a visual reminder.

“But what about the guilt, remorse, and punishing hill repeats?” I hear you ask, helpfully guiding me back towards the point (such as it is) of the story.

It’s simple (and if you are one of those cyclists who keeps at least half an eye on your weight, will barely need further explanation).

If things have gone to plan, by April you will have spent two or three months diligently chiselling the body of a cyclist from whatever raw material you’ve got to work from. In my case, a forty year old father of two with a penchant for pies and one eye permanently alert for donuts.

This year I’ve gone all in; dairy free, yeast free, alcohol free, and easy on the donuts (because we’ve all got a dark side, after all).

And yet here I am, at risk of carelessly undoing all that work because every flat surface in my house seems to have chocolate, in one form or another, perched upon it.

I’ve spent so long riding my bike in the last few days, to burn off everything I’ve scoffed, that my kids think I’ve moved out.

Which leaves them rightly wondering who exactly is eating all their chocolate.

(Image: pixabay.com)

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10 comments

  1. I think Zwift should introduce a post chocolate programme of rides for turbo trainer users. For me I’m going to have to cycle to Christmas to burn of my Easter excess and then it all starts again!

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  2. Being raised Roman Catholic Italian dysfunctional Gemini in New England easter was a very religious time for us growing up. Starting with lent Palm Sunday stations of the cross Good Friday not being able to eat meat on Friday then Easter itself it was a very serious time. Then came the holiday Hot cross buns chocolate Easter bunny’s peeps and a variety of foods that only come out that time a year saturated me and my family. Moderation was not a word in my vocabulary and today I struggle to remember that it is a word in my vocabulary. This year was different I had double hernia surgery on Thursday so good Friday I had to get out of the house and it went to the store with my wife to put an Easter basket together for a less fortunate friend and searching for articles to put into the basket I discovered a dollar store cheap bag of multicolored jellybeans that I thought I knew had to have and boy was I surprised when I dove into them yuck pain nausea just uncomfortable feeling and I ate more than my share even though I get rid of the green ones black ones white ones I ate too many pink red yellow and orange ones. I woke up the next morning still uncomfortable with my pain now having more pain from the sweetness,constipated from the meds,surgical meds, I looked at that festive glass I had put the bag of jellybeans into the night before it looked terrible in the daylight and I know I had had enough so Easter Monday I read the post my guilt comes back and I say to myself as soon as I get my act together I’m going to the grocery store and buying a bunch of raw vegetables and making my follow up doctors appointment as soon as possible so I can start spinning my little feet around in the circle that brings us so much joy climbing hills coasting down hills turning sweating speeding and believing that this next ride is going to put me into the shape of my life so to all of you Easter bunnies out there here we go again another holiday out-of-the-way getting ready to celebrate the next holiday hopefully in moderation

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  3. What a great read! I laughed and laughed! Having 3 kids myself I have stolen a lot of chocolate hoping they won’t notice, and although I’m not a cyclist I run and do yoga. And boy do I need to do some running to burn off all of this chocolate!

    Liked by 1 person

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