I’ve been told that, as a cyclist, I’ve got a “big engine.”
If this is a compliment, it’s a back-handed one. A polite way of saying: “clearly you can’t ride uphill…you might aswell have a go at time-trials?”
To which I reply: “I know, I know…but, the skinsuit…”
Then I do a face like the ‘awkward’ emoji.
You know the one. If you’re anything like me it often pops up in your text messages preceded by the massive rude looking aubergine and followed by the happy face wearing a cowboy hat.
If I ever send you that text message it means, simply, “I know, I know…but, the skinsuit…”
I’ve never worn a skinsuit and I’ve no intention of ever doing so. A skinsuit, you see, offers less protection (not to mention dignity) than nudity.
Even the famously reserved British public have embraced nudity in recent years. Since the 1990’s, when the western world decided to rebrand porn as lifestyle, we haven’t been able to move without bumping into a pair of boobs here or a perky bum cheek there.
Flesh is now ten-a-penny.
But the skinsuit draws the eye. It’s nudity with added intrigue, and just a suggestion of the fetish scene. It’s rather like being nude but drawing a massive arrow on your tummy pointing down at your genitals.
Maybe with a smiley emoji, or a thumbs up, for emphasis.
I would consider a skinsuit an affront to my dignity.
The last thing I want to see as I drive down some non-descript A-road of a Sunday morning is men who shouldn’t be wearing skinsuits wearing skinsuits. But there they are.
All wibbly, and wobbly.
I am forty-one years old. I could publish my medical records in a national newspaper (a broadsheet, naturally – this information is not for the tabloids) and they would reveal less sensitive information than if I wore a skinsuit in public.
It’s essentially a data protection issue.
The data is my genitals and the protection, or lack thereof, is the integrity of the clothing. My privacy notice is in place. I’m being diligent with my data sharing.
As a cyclist, I’m GDPR compliant.
And again, for clarity, we’re talking about my genitals.
So no. As I said. I won’t be wearing a skinsuit.
(Wiggins Image: By Andrew Last (Bradley Wiggins Hour Record) [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons)